I finally realize that I'll never be good enough for you. You're just so amazing. Anyone would be happy to have you with you're cute smile and down to earth personality. Just way to good for me. I mean, shoot I like you. No. I can't say it because when I do it becomes real. I really don't want to get my heart broken considering you only think of us as friends I'm pretty sure. I really need a new face and a new personality as soon as possible.

You can say whatever you want to me.It doesn't really phase me. Scratch that. It does. So YOU should shutup.

I'm going to finally admit that I .. No I won't. Shoot, you have that. That thing about you. It's so freaking hypnotizing. Shit, I don't like you. I don't. How long have I been denying this? Holay, sorry, I'm not apart of your 'old time' shit. Sorry I'm not a freaking good enough friend for you. I've known you for a long time. At least 9 years. Sorry I'm just not that good enough for anyone kay.

Tell me how I just earned $150. My parents were trying to fix the microwave and they didn't know how to. So, I went up to them and said "I can fix it". They said "Okay if you can fix it we'll each give you 75$". So, I took the cord and plugged it into the outlet. Then they said "Oh shit why didn't we think of that!" I just earned easy money. Babygirl, you know you can say all the stuff you want, but you're the one that started all of this. It's not my fault I tell what I know. I'm just being honest here. Unlike you. Always trying to play the victim eh. You can continue to do that, but you're just deluding yourself. True, you are a waste of time. Good you actually figured that out. Why don't you do us all a favour and stop acting all cute. Better yet, stop breathing you're just using up good oxygen on this planet. I seriously love my cousin, Cassandra Tan. We just had a jokes 'talk'. She always makes me laugh. Thanks for putting up with what I was talking about!

There's always going to be words left unsaid. Especially to you. There are so many things I wish I could have said to you. Well, everything is done now. When I wish it wasn't. I'm just trying to say I really miss you

Why do you have to be so rude for? I just get home and you're already yelling. Calm your shit honestly. Ha, what she got was totally deserved even she said 'karma's a bitch'. Today, was a freaking good day with family friends! Flora, Jessica and I spent most of the time yelling and eating. I haven't seen Flora's parents in so long! God, so our plans: shopping and jams! YES. We like to 'dance' to chinese songs.

I'm not a shallow person, but I'd like to admit that hair is really important to me. Especially my own. I feel that I just got a proper hair cut, but this girl, she always puts me down. Always telling me it's uneven or short hair is ugly. Well, first, it's my hair. It's not like she has to live with it. Second, sometimes people can be too honest. Shit.

If I'm transparent then what are you? Invisible? Can you just shutup for once in your life. I hate when you do that assume things when you don't even know what's happening. Yeah, I might get karma for being such a 'hater', but at least I have good reason to. Sometimes.

Its the 23rd, oh well who cares! Not like you said anything to me anyway. God, what the fuck am I supposed to do. Major hair dilemma! Jeez, everyone thinks Im copying you when Im not. God, this is so stupid its freaking hair. But, I had it first. It doesnt even matter. I just need to get it cleaned. But, even my MOTHER thinks Im fucking copying you. Shit. When I wanted it like that. I know youre the type to hold a grudge. Even if you said it was fine. When I shouldnt even have to ask your permission. Whatever.

The stuff that I worry about is not important. I'm tired of wasting my life on stupid things. For now, I live for the present, future and having fun! God, today was one of the best days I had in a while. Just chilling with a couple friends watching movies all day and sleeping. I'm starting to remember what's really important. I'm really starying to miss the taste. The sensation it gives. The way it feels when you breathe it in. It's been what? Only a week and I'm already paranoid. Yeah.
p.s. bestfriend's buying me a goldfish :)

School's done. Yay? I really want to just smoke my whole life away. Ah, my one true love. Enough with them. Summer's here right? I'll surely forget about you by the time September rolls around. I saw you - you didn't even give me the time of day. My accusations were right. I know you don't. But, I never liked you anyway. Shutup. I guess this other guy and I are okay. If you can say that. We don't talk. But, that's what I wanted right? I realized how much I missed you guys when we saw eachother at the bus station. Even though we only talked a bit, It made me remember all those realtalks we had. Those stupid moments we shared even if things got weird 'cause one liked the other or whatever. Those crazy things we all used to talk about. We used to be bestfriends. I miss that. I miss you guys a alot. Life sucks, things change. Sometimes I wish they didn't.

Why can't things just go my way? For once? That's all I ask. I wish I lived in a fucking fairy tale. Things would be so much easier. I wouldn't have to constantly see the great life she's living when she doesn't deserve it. Do you think you actually deserve great friends when you can't even be one yourself? You think you're a rebel just cause you get ripped and drunk? Wow. You're a 'new kid on the block' who doesn't know shit. When I know I and others have been doing it way longer then you. You motherfucker. I would have a prince charming. One I could depend on for anything. He'd help me solve all my problems. There wouldn't be anyone else I'd rather be with, but him. Well, none of that is ever going to happen because I don't live in a fantasy world. I live in a shithole called reality where one little thing you do can effect a whole bunch of people. Crazy

Let me just recap, for my own benefit, the highlights of today:
1) When Jessica, Wilex and I thought there was a criminal in her house. We ended up searching the whole house with 'weapons' and realized there was noone inside. But, it was just me who was making all the 'creepy' noises with my feet while playing video games.
2) Came back from dinner and went to Jessica's. Jessica forgot her keys. So, we were locked out. We decided to go around to the back and unlock the gate. Flora climbed over first. Unlocked the top. Then Wilex, being as tall as he is, unlocked the bottom. We all 'broke' in and came to realize Jessica's grandma was there the whole time and if she would have knocked on the door we wouldnd't have had to go through all that!

Basically, the whole downside to this was: I thought about you, a lot. Sad right? Whatever.

That look. Do you know how much you can do to me with that look? You can turn my bad mood into a good one in an instant. All you have to do is say "HI" to me and you have me blushing all day. I can't get you off my mind. I saw you today, all you did was smile and stand with me for a bit, but it made me go insane. You're unlike any person that I've ever met. You have the best personality. You can boost my confidence to 100% and you can always make me happy when I'm upset. I can't believe I'm just noticing this and you now. The thing is, I don't want to like you. I know you don't like me so, there's really no point. You know that feeling you get in your stomach every time you see that person? Yeah, well that's what I get everytime I see you. I'm not admitting I like you. I'm never going to. I just can't wait for summer because I know for sure this thing will pass.

Why. Is. This. Happening. You can't keep doing this to me. Didn't I already tell you to stop? You can't keep giving me false hopes. Saying stuff to me that implies that there's something there when I KNOW there's not. If only I was a different a person. Then maybe I'd actually have a chance. But, I'm not and I'll never be. The way you look at me, it's so innocent and caring. It gets to me every single fucking time. You make me feel happy even if we are just friends. I can always count on you to be laughing when I'm laughing. You have a great laugh. No, this can't happen. I can't like you. Maybe I already am? You're just a friend and that's how it's going to stay for now and forever.

Lately, time has been moving too fast. I don't even know where my whole year went. It's funny how one simple thing can change your perspective on everything. One simple lie can stop you from talking to someone. And, one action can change the way you feel towards a person. I finally realized I'm done with you. You were just another stupid move on my part. I even thought we could be friends - that's just not going to happen. But, you know what? I finally don't care anymore. I'm kind of tired of all the lies you've been telling me. You were just a total waste of time. I told my self I'd never give up on you as a friend. You just make that impossible. You used to make my head spin. So much, I couldn't even sleep at night. Now, I think back to why I felt that way and I realize I thought of you differently. The real you was always hidden by a mask. But, I've finally seen you without that mask and I HATE what I see. I'm tired of lies so, if you have something to say speak the truth or don't say shit at all.

There's always going to be that guy who breaks your heart. That guy you believed would always be there. The one who held your hand just because. And, that guy who you thought could solve all your problems with his warm smile. So, what hapens when all good things come to an end and he shatters your heart into a million pieces? You pick them up, start over and break some hearts of your own.

I hate it when you do that. I really hate it. Why do you always have to call me 'the best' or tell me I'm really funny? You're just a bunch of confusion. Confusion, I don't need. It's the end of the school year and I'm contemplating if I like you now? Of all times to do so. Why would I even want to like you when you come with so much baggage? You're just so, words can't even describe. I honestly doubt you'd ever like me. Look at the girl you like now. She's basically the complete opposite of me. Just, just stop! You constantly keep me guessing, but you never seem to make a move. But, shouldn't I already know this? "If a guy likes you he'll make it happen"

"stop running your mouth like you have shoes on your teeth"

It's nothing to dwell over. It's not that big. I guess if you want to put it that way. What am I saying? Why do I even care about this? It's not my business. However, I have my first exam tomorrow, but I'm not worried yet. I can't wait until exams are done. I really need to study. It's always those little things that keep me contemplating. Y'know?

Why is it that, I haven't seen you in the longest time, but when I do the previous feelings I've had for you just come rushing back. Remember when we used to go to summer camp together? We liked eachother so much it was pretty dumb at the time. As I saw you standing there looking nervous before training I couldn't help but think about what we threw away - a perfectly good friendship. The majority of that year you were the one who made me cry even though I don't like to admit it. Who says we can't start over as friends now that you and I are working together? You definitely seem open to the idea.

Exams are coming, but school's almost done. Goodness, I need to stary studying for exams. The only ones I'm worried about are science, math, history and french. I doubt I'll study for religion. I think I'm possibly failing! Why can't I just know. Jeez, I know it's her anyway. Therefore, there's no point in hiding it. Or is it someone else. It's freaking confusing. Overall this year was amazingly bomb!

Dear Creeper,

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE FCBAABY.BLOGSPOT.COM, HONESTLY? STEALING MINE AND OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOG POSTS. FIRST OF ALL GET SOME ORIGINALITY. LEARN HOW TO WRITE YOUR OWN POSTS AND STOP COPYING OFF OTHERS. STOP ADDING PEOPLE TO YOUR 'MAINS' AND 'FAM' CAUSE NOONE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE. LASTLY, SHOW YOURSELF. STOP BEING A FUCKING PUSSY AND STOP HIDING. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? I'LL SAY THIS AS NICELY AS I CAN: GET OFF MY CLIT.
xoxo,
gina mck