Just had a rude awakening kind of. It's fucking amazing isn't it? FAKEFAKEFAKE.

You. I think about you more times then I take in oxygen. More then I think about food, which is a lot. And, more times then I laugh. WHAT.IS.WRONG.WITH.ME. I talked to you a couple of times in the past few weeks. The conversations just flowed so well. We flowed like water being poured neatly, but extremely fast into a cup. That kind of ease, you feel me? "I was thinking about you last night." Yeah, I was thinking about you. I've been thinking about you, a lot. But, we're not going to be more then friends. I can already tell. No matter what. I'm just not up to par with what you're looking for probably. So yeah, being friends is fine with me. I mean, it's not wrong to constantly think about a friend that you find extremely hot and that also has an amazing personality is it? L-O-L.

so I had a nice day, bye !

It's on baby let's get lost, you don't need to call into work cause you the boss. I just finished having realtalks. Basically discussing guys and their mentalities. During this whole conversation I dreaded being asked the question "So, do you like anyone?" How the heck was I supposed to answer that? Well, I ended up saying "It's complicated". I basically explained my whole situation how I never wanted to admit that I like this guy or whatever only, I never really could understand why. "First, you don't want to admit it because you're afraid of getting hurt? But, you can't even admit it to yourself. Even if you admit it to yourself you won't get hurt. It's him that makes it complicated. Basically don't even worry if he likes anyone else or whatever at least you can finally admit it to one person, you. One less thing to worry about" I don't think I'm going to admit it, not yet anyway.

I realized I'll never find you! DAMN. I saw your friend not YOU. Once again, this guy who I claim is my friend, but will never admit I think of him as more is on my mind. Still not admitting he's anything more. Shoot, can't get you off my mind. Unfortunately.

The other day I was waiting for the bus and I was so tired. When the bus finally came I fell asleep for a bit. Then, (blank) got on the bus and it literally made my day. He said "I haven't seen you in so long!" "How've you been?" "I really really missed you" Then, he touched my hand and as he touched it my hand started to vibrate and music started to play. And, then I opened my eyes and woke up to my phone ringing. I looked around and he was nowhere in sight. I realized it was all a dream and seriously wanted punch the bus.
Today was the day. I went and checked all around and he wasn't there, freaking LS. I knew it.

Where the shit is my LS at seriously! That's all I can think abut since monday. I don't want my time to be wasted.

Shit, who told me to go back and look for this guy! What a waste. I honestly just feel so cheesed, well not cause of the guy. I don't even know why I'm mad. It's like a combo of a bunch of things put together. Alright, so this was such a waste post.

Holy shit, today was a major boy fail. I should have totally turned down my ipod then we would have talked. But, no I had to turn it up so loud. Shit. Totally my fault for missing out! Alright, I know you're probably reading this maybe. First, you're not predictable I just know you too well. Meaning that I know you want to go. You really don't have to say stuff like that. I get it. Okay, this is kind of confusing but whatever.

"You gotta put yourself out there, but keep your legs closed"

Alright, so I've finally accepted the fact that things and people change. Life is just full of unexpected situations it's hard to keep track. Things I wish didn't change have and people I want to know forever are slowly drifting away. It's been said that "you can always call a friend no matter how long you haven't talked". I honestly don't think that's true. The person you thought you knew has morphed into a totally different person. I seriously wish things didn't have to change. I guess they do for the better. It's also unfortunate that the people you dislike the most are having 'good' lives. Well, I just have to accept things just can't go my way all the time.

I seriously need a schedule change. How is it possible that I have three classes with you? Holy, I'd prefer if you would just kill me. So, alright let's see I think I've kind of womaned up these past few days. I got my hair dyed. I think it looks alright. Well, I had the nerve to talk to you. It doesn't really matter if the conversation turned out good or not. So, the fact that I sort of womaned up means I can handle it. I can handle you and you're stupidness. You're nothing.
Alright, so I've kinda been thinking about you lately. Holay, I haven't talked to you in so long. I miss you - as a friend only forreal. I think. Shit.

I think I've kind of stopped thinking about you. Just kind of. How many times am I actually going to say I don't like you? Shoot.

Fuck immature boys. How dare you do that to her!?! Gosh. Anyway, the chances of you liking me is like zero. I know you wouldn't why bother. I think I'm still going to tell myself I don't like you. It's easier that way. Y'feel me?

"I hate haters. I guess that makes me a hater too!"

Alright, you've pissed me off enough. I can't take this anymore. Smarten up or I'll erase you permanently from my life. You cheesed me all night, but especially during that conversation.
This is what should have happened:
me: What are you getting Flora for her birthday?
you: Oh, I'm not sure, but I have stuff in mind. Like ____ and ____
me: Okay!
This is what really happened:
me: What are you getting Flora for her birthday?
you: What the hell do you care? I'm not splitting the gift. She's my bestfriend
me: So, I just want to know..
me: (told my ideas)
you: Those are stupid. Shit, get a brain!

Yeah, alright. You joke all the time that I know, but shutup for once. Please do us all a favour.

Realzing that noone actually cares about you is like getting lemon juice in your eye, it stings. Your parents don't care because they never call. Yeah, it's a luxury to most, but it's upsetting they don't even freaking care where you are or what you're doing. Your oldest friends don't care about you because they forget to call you. If they did care they wouldn't forget to call. And the list goes on. Just whatever.